I last blogged in Hollywood? That was lifetimes ago! That's a weird thing: It was thirty days ago that I left Seattle, twenty-one days ago that I left San Francisco, seventeen days since I arrived in Temple, TX. In SF, I met tons of people, did tons of stuff (museums, parks, walks, beer,
soulpancake, ALCATRAZ, beer, movies, food, phone calls, reading, libraries, friends, other people, beer, people, people, wine). My week there seemed like months. LA was uneventful, but it felt like I was there for more than a day. And then the train ride! It was amazing, and could have been months as well. Somehow, that was all jammed into thirteen days?
And then I got to Texas. Don't get me wrong: I am not disappointed by my time here. Getting to spend Christmas (and other days) with my mom, sister, and cousins was so great. I have been inactive, is all I'm saying. Since I've been here, I have watched three and a half seasons of The IT Crowd, several episodes of 24, Tron Legacy, Sherlock Holmes, Iron Man 2, The Last Airbender, Beetlejuice, Knight and Day, The Lightning Thief, Despicable Me, The King's Speech, The Town, Broadcast News, Inception, Superman, District 9, Final Fantasy: Advent Children, the first half of Dancer In the Dark, the last half of Edmond, and as much of Monster's Ball as I could take.
The thing about my life that frustrates me is how easily I give in to comfort and laziness. In Washington I had settled into this, just as I had for so long in Tennessee, just as I had begun to in Arizona. It would seem that being so very active in California would be a 'win,' and to sit and watch movies all day here in Texas a 'loss.' But I've found that to not be the case.
San Francisco was awesome, exciting, and exhausting. It was an adventure, and I learned a lot about myself through the experience of loss. I had lost my girlfriend, I left my home, I shed 80% of my belongings before leaving Seattle, and then even more before I left SF. I abandoned my favorite sweater and a beloved shirt there to make room in my pack, and that was just as hard to do as any of the other heart-wrenching things I had done the preceding weeks. This was definitely a win, to me.
But I don't think I've been lazy here, in spite of the slow pace. To quote Moss from The IT Crowd, "Every value I've ever held is being questioned, and I'm loving it."
For the past two years, I have been cocooned. Living in the liberal PNW, and communicating mostly with people like Scott and Leslie and Adrienne--that is, mostly with people who want to see some revolution happening, some change. I forgot how, back in summer 2007, the only people I had to relate to in this way were Scott and Jeremy. I forgot that I left Tennessee specifically to find other people "like us," to attempt to connect the common thread. At that so-very-recent point, we weren't even a minority. We were just a few uncommon people who felt better, and occasionally less crazy, for knowing each other. Surrounding myself with these people, I allowed myself to forget that really, that's all we still are.
Here in Texas, in my hometown, I can't forget that. I'm surrounded by my childhood. I'm staying four blocks from where I lived with my grandma. She and I used to walk around the nearby cemetery, and now I do again. I hung out around my first-grade classroom, and stood on some of the same old playground equipment. I had breakfast with Kyle and his family. There are pictures of Kyle and I in diapers, only a few months old. I really had a thing for his sister Dyan when I was, you know, seven. They both have kids. Dyan's second is due in March. Their parents, Kent and Marilyn, still live where Kyle and I used to play with the Atari 2600 and Legos.
I have to wonder: would I have learned to be myself, growing up here? Of course, there's no way to know. I wouldn't have had the same experiences, but would those type of experiences even have been possible here? Would I have ever questioned the school-college-job-family pattern? Are there people here that I could relate to, if they knew there was someone here who could relate to them? Could "the revolution" happen here?
Well sure. I even came across
this guy, whose idea is similar to what I have in mind for my family's property in Dickson.
So even with relatively little going on (I have, by the way, been somewhat active), I would say there's a lot of action in my time here in Texas. I am growing while I am sitting. That's meditation, right?
But I am a bit ready to hit the road. I told Angela that I wish I could live two lives at once, because I do miss my life in Seattle. And now I wish I could live three, because I am really enjoying being around my family. But there's a big ol' silly world out there, and plenty of ways for me to further learn how I'm wrong about everything I think I know. Starting Thursday. (Be sure to check back to hear about my wild, life-changing next few days!)
