Thursday, July 19, 2012

yesterday's choices through today's eyes

Stephanie recently asked me these questions about some of the decisions I've made in life. It gave me a good excuse to look back and see what got me where I am today. ***What encouraged you to pursue the path of a Buddhist monk? I spent a lot of time alone in the woods growing up, and noticed there was a certain aspect of life that was present in solitude that disappeared when I was around others. Whatever it was, I loved it and lived for it. Even though I like being around people and love my friends, the solitary life, for pursuit of whatever this thing is, is what I most want. I was a monk before I knew a monk was something to be. I had looked into a few religions, and for a while considered myself more Hindu than anything else. But I was raise Christian, and am a fan of the Catholic monk John Michael Talbot, so when I decided to make my monkhood official, I intended to join his monastery, The Brothers and Sisters of Charity. I focused my studies from general to Catholic, but eventually had to admit that I could not reconcile what I was learning with my personal experience of the world. The cognitive dissonance was maddening. So I went back to a general study of philosophies, and stopped trying to force myself to see things in a certain way. When I learned of the Nyingma Institute, I asked a Buddhist friend if he knew about it. He had, and suggested over 100 books (many of which they used to teach at that school), and that I take the Bodhisattva vow. I bought many of the books and studied from them. After reading about the vows, I thought and felt that was the experience I had been looking for. ***What finally deterred you from it? Nothing is final, and perhaps "detoured" is better word for what happened. It was a string of coincidences I followed toward Nyingma, so when those coincidences pulled me in a new direction, why would I refuse? As I said, I was a monk before I knew it. Not reaching the destination is, so far, the world I have learned to accept.

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